1. God is good.  We serve a Creator who loved us so much that he sent His son to the cross for our sins.  Whatever may go wrong in the organized church or among its people, we remain convinced that God is real, that He loves us, and that He wants the best for us.

2. God did not give Julie cancer.  The Bible tells us the same thing that our eyes tell us: we live in an imperfect world.  I believe that God created it perfect, but as surely as we’ve polluted the air and the water, our sin has created an environment that includes death, despair and pain.  Of course, God could eliminate all evil and pain in an instant.  But to do so, He’d either have to remove our ability to choose (which would make real love impossible since love, by nature, is a choice) or He'd have to eliminate all possible sources of evil and pain.  No human being—especially me—would make that cut.  As far as I'm concerned, the fact that this world continues to exist in any form at all is a testimony to God's patience and grace.  So for now, we live in a world where bad things happen.  We have trouble, we have sorrow, we have pain, we have disappointment, we have loss.  But there will be a day when Jesus comes back to put it all right.  And I believe with all my heart that, from one side of eternity or the other, Julie and I will both be there to see it.

3. God's grace is enough.  Grace is a remarkable concept.  At its core is the idea that there is a Creator, that He has standards by which he expects us to live, and that we have failed to live up to those standards.  As a result, we have a number of options:
   
   1. We can attempt to slog through life saddled with an enormous load of unresolved guilt.
   2. We can create structures and adopt certain behaviors in an attempt to cancel out (or at least balance out) our transgressions.  This would include all the "designer religions" along with far too many Christians.
   3. We can reject the notion of a Creator, simultaneously eliminating all standards and the guilt caused by failing to live up to them.
   4. We can admit our failures openly and trust completely in God who promised to love and accept us no matter what we've done.
      
   Julie and I are an “option d” couple. We have to be.  Our current realities have only reinforced what we already knew: that, for us, all other options are either phony or futile.
   
   Remember Paul's "thorn in the flesh"?  When he pleaded for its removal, God told him, "My grace is enough for you."  I've been asking myself lately if God's grace really is enough for me.  Is it enough that God has promised to overlook each and every one of my sins, to hold me close and love me, and to give me and Julie an eternal future?  It sure seems like it.  But what if Julie doesn't get healed this side of heaven?  Is it enough if I have to finish raising the girls on my own?  Is it enough if I have to live out the rest of my days without my soul mate and best friend?  Is grace enough for Julie if she doesn't get to see her girls get married and have children of their own? 
   
   Obviously, we can't answer those questions with 100% certainty until we face those circumstances.  We still have hope that that won't happen.  But, from where we sit today, we believe with everything inside us that God's grace is definitely, unmistakably, absolutely enough.

4. Our joy isn’t a product of our circumstances.  No doubt you know the difference between happiness and joy.  Happiness is a reaction to circumstances, while joy is a state of being.  Peace works the same way.  Philippians 4:7 says, “... the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  The kind of peace we have when everything is going perfectly well doesn’t transcend understanding; it makes perfect sense.  Any idiot would be happy under those conditions.  But, to be at peace when surrounded by chaos... to know deep inside that everything will turn out okay even though tragic things are happening around you–that makes no sense at all unless it happens by the power of God.  That's where we are living right now.  The shadow of cancer is pretty dark overhead.  Under the circumstances, we should be pretty miserable.  But we are truly, honestly not miserable because we are not "under" the circumstances.  God's promise is true.  That assurance didn't come wrapped up in a nice little three-point homily from some preacher.  This is our experience.  This is our reality.  Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). 

5. God will work it out.  For us, Romans 8:28 is not a cliché.  It's a fact that has played a big part in helping us hold onto our sanity for the past year.  Look at how the NIV version of the Bible translates Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  It doesn't tell us that all things are good (which is why we’re not running around thanking God for cancer); it assures us that in all things God works for good. 

If you want to understand Julie's mindset, you need to understand that it grows out of her beliefs—which happen to be my beliefs too.  They may sound canned or corny, but this stuff isn’t theory to us... not any more.  This is life or death reality.  God is proving Himself to us every day, and that’s how we’re getting through. 

People have asked us if we've gotten angry with God. When it comes right down to it, anger is an emotion we haven't struggled with.  That’s the honest truth!  Anger seems to imply an object, a target of blame.  We're not blaming anyone or anything.  What we are feeling can more accurately be described as sadness.  And yes, we’ve felt overwhelming waves of sadness at times.  The cancer has moved forward like a juggernaut, ignoring pretty much everything we've thrown at it.  It seems sentient and even cunning.  Julie's doctor has told us that chemo-resistant cancer can actually develop a mechanism by which it recognizes the chemotherapy drug and literally pushes it out of the cells.  Realizing that there is a possibility that the cancer might win makes me very sad.  Thinking about trying to move forward without this incredibly loving, supportive, positive partner makes me sad.  Looking at my girls and wondering how they could make it without their mom makes me sad.  These are the kinds of things that Julie and I cry over. But Julie isn’t dead yet, nor have we given up this battle.  And even though the medical community seems to be running out of options, we believe with all our hearts that God is still in control.